is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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