Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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