remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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