I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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