Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
