ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
