i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
