I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
