just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
