i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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