He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
