tell your sister to shave her snatch
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
where are my eyebrows?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
