is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
