Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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