I faked an abortion last night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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