I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
