Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
