I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
