just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
