Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
