So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
