I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
