We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
