Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
