So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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