I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
