so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
