My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
