Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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