Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
tell me about the fingering
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