Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
