Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
