Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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