bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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