Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
