Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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