He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Drake has all the answers
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Terrible idea I love it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
