YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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