dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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