he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The air taste purple.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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