there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
