literally had 100 drinks last night.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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