i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
