Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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