I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Damn victory sex feels great
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
