Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
