I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
