The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
