Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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