Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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