just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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