Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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