Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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