he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
