he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
