he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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