Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
