If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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