Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
