You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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