i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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