After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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