we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
