Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
