I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
