There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
