Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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