On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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