you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
