You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
