is your mom at the bar?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
