So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
