her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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