this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
