You can't special order awesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
