Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
