i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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