gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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