My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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