Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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