I'm jealous of your bromance
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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