Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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