make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
