Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
