she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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