you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
