i think my tv is drunk
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
