Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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