dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
